Be more you in
Many people struggle to be who they are and voice what they want in relationship – often leading them to feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued by their partners. I coach people to own who they are and confidently express themselves in relationship so they can feel fully alive and deeply connected in love.
Riddle me this...
How can you be seen, heard, and valued as you are, if you present yourself as someone you’re not?
You can't - and that's not the half of it. Inauthenticity comes at a serious cost...
Underlying resentment, anxiety, and loneliness in relationship.
Crossing your own boundaries and denying your own needs.
Feeling like a shell of yourself - drained and dulled down.
Not being clear and confident about what you want so you settle in love.
Persistent fear that you’re too much or never enough.
Inability to trust yourself or your partner in relationship.
For many of us, inauthenticity in relationship most often shows up as self-abandonment. Self-abandonment isn't always some kind of grandiose self-betrayal in relationship – like completely losing yourself...
It could be, but more often than not, it’s a bunch of seemingly harmless transgressions over time – like saying yes when you mean no, or saying it’s fine when it’s obviously not – that make it difficult for us to be seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
In our primal minds, love and belonging equal safety. So if we believe that our actions will jeopardize love and belonging, we'll sacrifice our values of authenticity and autonomy as a strategy to secure them.
But this trade yourself for love strategy for connection is a set up for disappointment in relationship, because true love and belonging require acceptance; And you can't feel accepted as you are, if you present yourself as someone you're not.
If you tend to trade your authenticity and autonomy for love and belonging, it doesn’t mean that you’re broken or that something’s wrong with you. You’re dealing with a shit “solution” to a generations-old fear that "you're too much or not enough" – and that fear can push you to do some pretty wild and crazy nonsense. I get it…I’ve been there.
It's simple. If you want to be seen, heard, and valued in relationship, you've got to be more you. But it's not easy. There's an art to being more you. You can't just do or say whatever the fuck you please and pass it off as authenticity. This gauche attempt at "speaking your truth" often causes the very disconnection you're trying to avoid.
Being more you requires a sophisticated relationship with your body-mind and an equally refined ability to express yourself with clarity and tact.
But the return on investment is sooo worth the time and energy, because the more you appear yourself in relationship, the more alive you feel; And the more alive you feel, the more possible deep connection becomes.
The sexiest, most magnetic trait you possess is your aliveness. Don't keep extinguishing your fire by abandoning who you are and what you want.
Being more you - not less, is your first class ticket the fuck out of love limbo.
love limbo: the perpetual teeter-totter between authenticity and people pleasing, accompanied by feelings dullness and disconnection in love.
When you be more you in relationship, your love life gets a serious upgrade:
You'll feel alive, at ease, and connected in love.
You'll assert your yes and no with conviction. Making trust a lot easier.
You'll feel a sense of agency and power in your relationship.
No more settling. You'll get what you need because you'll claim it.
Less conflict = more play and adventure with your partner.
You'll feel seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
Hi, I’m Jess Vega - your love and relationship coach.
At this point you might be wondering…why work with me? And rightly so…maybe I’m NOT for you.
Courage over comfort.
I’m NOT the kind of coach who’s your BFF, but I’m not the bogeyman either. I’m your ally in love and a stand for your desires in relationship, which means I’ll risk your approval to uphold my commitment to you – and sometimes that will be uncomfortable for both of us. But that's ok ;)
I’m NOT the “just think positive” and “everything is love and light” woo woo guru coach. You're a rich and complex being, and a head in the clouds approach to personal development tends to downplay the complexity of your human experience down here on Earth.
I'm a two feet planted firmly on the ground kind of coach who draws on the wisdom of Classical Tantrik spirituality, modern neuroscience, and of course, my personal expertise as a saboteur d’amour – to help you create the depth of connection you long for in love.
Concept vs. embodiment
Google "how to be more you in relationship," and you’ll be bombarded with thousands of YouTube videos, Psychology Today blog posts, and even some hilarious memes begging to enlighten your love life.
Let me give it to you straight... you don't need a coach to simply give you more relationship tools and theories. You want a coach to help you embody them. You want:
- A liaison between you and your blindspots so you can clearly see how you're self-abandoning and creating disconnection in love.
- An ally who will challenge your habitual thinking and keep you honest and accountable to being the kind of person who is seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
- A ride or die, who’s walked this walk, and can create the kind of safe space you need to fully fall apart and come back to life.
Your 1st class boarding pass
There are 3 simple steps you need to take to secure your ticket the fuck out of love limbo:
In this zero pressure 20 minute call, we'll figure out which of my programs best suits your needs.
Get the support and proven techniques you need to be more you in love.
aka – the good life.
You’re enough. In fact, you’re a fucking miracle – a unique expression of life happening exactly once. Do you know how perfect everything had to be, for you to be you, here and now? Trying to comprehend the magic makes my brain go dumb.
More love wants to meet the magic that is you, but you must be visible for that to happen. If you keep disappearing yourself in love, you’re bound to keep attracting the wrong people or pushing the right person away. You’re bound to continue to feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued in love.
Trading yourself for love is a shit "solution" the generations-old fear that "you're too much or not enough." But this "solution" is doomed to fail because you can’t present yourself as someone you’re not and expect to feel loved for who you truly are. Love needs all of you – not some porn star or Betty Crocker version of you – ALL OF YOU.
Here’s what I know about you… You’re tired of settling for less then you need and desire in relationship. You're tired of how dulled down and disconnected you feel when you betray your needs and values. You're ready fully inhabit who you are and have the deep connection you desire in love.
I get it. I've dedicated 20+ years of my life to the study and practice of aliveness and connection to create this reality for myself. But this reality isn't meant for the few, it's meant for you too. I've coached dozens of real, raw humans just like you the fuck out of love limbo – and now it’s your turn.
If you're ready , here are the steps:
- Schedule a call
- Select a program
- Feel alive and deeply connected in love
Which program is right for you?
- People who want a custom coaching experience with personalized practices and experiences typically opt for the private 1:1 coaching program with me.
- People who want 1:1 coaching, but want to test the waters first, typically enroll for the group coaching program or self-paced course.
Stop letting dead end conflicts eat away at the esteem of your relationship.Turn conflict into collaboration in this 5 day self-paced mini course.
- You don’t want to feel like your relationship is in jeopardy every time there’s a point of contention.
- You want fights to to end - not with a winner and loser, but with more understanding and connection.
- You’re tired of letting all the little things build up and erupt into hurtful words and disconnection.
Available for purchase
Love by design is not a course, but rather a three month intimate group coaching deep dive into what it takes to create the deep connection you want in relationship.
- You're an individual interested in or in a relationship and want deeper connection in love.
- You tend to say yes when you want to say no, or you say I'm fine, when you're really not. Aka, you deny your own boundaries and needs in relationship.
- You want to feel fully alive in relationship. Right now, you feel dim or dull – not fully yourself. You have a hard time confidently expressing who you are and what you really need in love because you fear disapproval, rejection, or withdraw of love.
Launches May 22th.
A 3 or 6 month long live custom coaching program for individuals or couples who struggle to feel seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
- You don’t feel fully expressed in relationship - you mask or embellish aspects of who you are to fit some “ideal” or keep the peace.
- You feel half alive and disconnected in love.
- You’re tired of tolerating or settling for less than you desire in love.
Spaces limited. Call to discuss interest.
Are you unknowingly sabotaging your love life?
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