Feel alive & connected in relationship.
Many people struggle to communicate their needs in way that they feel seen, heard, and valued by their partners. I coach people to confidently express themselves in relationship so they can feel fully alive and deeply connected in relationship.
Be more you — not less.
Riddle me this...
How can you feel seen, heard, and valued by your partner, if you show up as anyone other than who you are?
You can't. Yet the fear of rejection often leads many of us to be dishonest about our needs and values.
Unfortunately, this behavior costs us the fulfillment of being seen, heard, and valued in relationship. But that's not the half of it. Inauthenticity also costs you:
Persistent fear that you’re too much or never enough.
Crossing your own boundaries and denying your own needs.
Underlying resentment, anxiety, and disconnection with your partner.
Inability to fully trust yourself or the intentions of your partner.
Feeling like a shell of yourself — drained and dulled down.
Feeling dissatisfied or unfulfilled with sex and love.
In relationships, inauthenticity most often shows up as acts of self-abandonment.
Self-abandonment doesn't have to be some kind of grandiose self-betrayal in relationship — like completely losing yourself. It could be, but more often than not, it’s a bunch of seemingly harmless transgressions over time that deaden our aliveness and make it damn near impossible for us to be seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
It's the moments we say yes when we actually mean no...when we say we're fine, but we're really feeling insecure or pissed off...or when we say it doesn't matter when it sure as hell does. It's these small, every day slights that suck us dry of our life force and sabotage the connection we long.
The science: In our primal minds, love and belonging equal safety. So if we believe that our actions will jeopardize love and belonging, we'll sacrifice our values of authenticity and autonomy as a strategy to secure them.
But this trade yourself for love and belonging strategy is a set up for disappointment, because true love and belonging, aka true connection, require acceptance; And you can't feel accepted as you are, if you present yourself as someone you're not.
If you tend to trade your authenticity for love and belonging, it doesn’t mean that you’re broken or that something’s wrong with you.
You learned this pattern. You learned that being fully you is risky business — possibly leading to rejection, abandonment, or withdraw of love. Basically, you inherited a shit “solution” to a generations-old belief/fear that "you're too much or not enough."And...since your brain is primed to latch on to this narrative, it's easy to get stuck.
Blahhh. I totally get your frustration... I inherited this pile o' crap too, more on that soon, but in the mean time, I want you to know that you're not alone and there's a way out.
It's simple. If you want to feel alive and connected in love...If you want to feel seen, heard, and valued in relationship, you've got to be more you. But it's not easy. There's an art to being more you. You can't just do or say whatever the fuck you please and pass it off as authenticity. This gauche attempt at "speaking your truth" often causes the very disconnection you're trying to avoid.
Being more you requires a sophisticated relationship with your body-mind and an equally refined ability to express yourself with intention, clarity, and tact.
Yes, it takes some work. But the return on investment is absolutely worth the time and energy. Why? Because the more you appear yourself in relationship, the more alive you feel; And the more alive you feel, the more possible deep connection becomes.
Take way: The sexiest, most magnetic trait you possess is your aliveness. It also happens to be the key to deep connection in love. Don't squander it by censoring your truth, stuffing your emotions, or denying your needs. If you want deep connection in relationship, you must take responsibility for your aliveness — for being more you in relationship, not less.
Being more you — not less, is your first class ticket the fuck out of love limbo.
love limbo: the perpetual teeter-totter between authenticity and people pleasing, accompanied by feelings dullness, anxiety, and disconnection in love.
When you be more you in relationship, your love life gets a serious upgrade:
You'll feel alive, at ease, and connected in love.
You'll assert your yes and no with confidence. Making trust a lot easier.
You'll feel a sense of agency and power in your relationship.
You'll feel seen, heard, and valued by your partner.
Less conflict = more play and adventure with your partner. Yay!
Sex and love feel satisfying and fulfilling.
Hi, I’m Jess Vega - your love and relationship coach.
At this point you might be wondering…why work with me? And rightly so…maybe I’m NOT for you.
Courage over comfort.
I’m NOT the kind of coach who’s your BFF, but I’m not the bogeyman either. I’m your ally in love and a stand for your desires in relationship, which means I’ll risk your approval to uphold my commitment to you – and sometimes that will be uncomfortable for both of us. But that's ok ;)
I’m NOT the “just think positive” and “everything is love and light” woo woo guru coach. You're a rich and complex being, and a head in the clouds approach to personal development tends to downplay the complexity of your human experience down here on Earth.
I'm a two feet planted firmly on the ground kind of coach who draws on the wisdom of Classical Tantrik spirituality, neuroscience, NVC, and of course, my personal expertise as a saboteur d’amour – to help you create the depth of connection you long for in love.
Concept vs. embodiment
Google "how to be more you in relationship," and you’ll be bombarded with thousands of YouTube videos, Psychology Today blog posts, and even some hilarious memes begging to enlighten your love life.
Let me give it to you straight... you don't need a coach to simply give you more relationship tools and theories. You want a coach to help you embody them. You want:
- A liaison between you and your blindspots so you can clearly see how you're self-abandoning and creating disconnection in love.
- An ally who will challenge your habitual thinking, keep you honest, and hold you accountable to being the kind of person who is seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
- A ride or die, who’s walked this walk, and can create the kind of safe space you need to fully fall apart and come back to life.
Your 1st class boarding pass
Take these 3 simple steps to secure your ticket the fuck out of love limbo:
In this zero pressure 20 minute call, we'll figure out which of my programs best suits your needs.
Get the support and proven techniques you need to be more you in love.
No more struggling to be seen, heard, and valued by your partner. Enjoy the relationship you always knew possible yet seemed ever elusive, until now.
You’re enough. In fact, you’re a fucking miracle – a unique expression of life happening exactly once. Do you know how perfect everything had to be, for you to be you, here and now? Trying to comprehend the magic makes my brain go dumb.
More love wants to meet the magic that is you — it's the natural order of the Universe. But... you must be fully available for that to happen. If you keep disappearing yourself in love, you’re bound to keep attracting the wrong people or pushing the right person away. You’re bound to continue to feel unseen, unheard, and unvalued in love. Blahhh.
Key point: Love needs all of you, not some porn star or Betty Crocker version of you, ALL OF YOU. Turning it up or down to please or accommodate as a means to earn or win connection will always sabotage love
— full stop.
Here’s what I know about you… You’re tired of settling for less than you need and desire in relationship. You're tired of how dulled down, anxious, and disconnected you feel when you betray your needs and values. You're ready feel fully alive and deeply connected in love.
I get it. Who doesn't??? I mean hellooo... Ya girl dedicated 20+ years of her life to the study and practice of aliveness and connection to create this very love reality for herself. And now...I'm inviting you to do the same.
I've coached dozens of truth seeking, connection hungry humans just like you the fuck out of love limbo and into the relationships they always knew possible, yet seemed ever elusive. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to choose between aliveness and connection. There's a way to have both.
I know you're the type who feels like you've got to figure everything out on your own. You're highly independent and gritty AF. I can be guilty of this trait/bug myself at times... surprise surprise. But you don't have to go this one alone. I've got you.
When you're ready , here are the steps:
- Schedule a call
- Enroll in a program
- Feel fully alive and deeply connected in love
Which program is right for you?
- People who want a custom coaching experience with personalized practices and experiences typically opt for the private 1:1 coaching program with me.
- People who want 1:1 coaching, but want to test the waters first, typically enroll for the group coaching program or self-paced course.
Most conflicts are preventable, and when they're not, it's possible to move through them with confidence, clarity, and connection. Flip the script on conflict in this 5 day, self-paced, mini course.
- You don’t want to feel defensive or withdrawn from your partner every time tension or conflict comes knocking.
- You want fights to end — not with a winner and loser, but with more understanding and connection. Cuz more love pls!
- You’re tired of letting all the little things build up and erupt into hurtful words and disconnection. You want to prevent fighting from happening in the first place.
Available for purchase
Love by design is not a course, but rather a 3 weekend intimate group coaching deep dive into what it takes to create deep and meaningful connection you want in relationship.
- You want more deep and meaningful connection in this or your next relationship, but have blind-spots and patterns you need help with.
- You have a hard time confidently expressing your values and needs in love because you fear disapproval, rejection, or withdraw of love.
- You want to feel authentic and fully alive in relationship. You don't want to sacrifice who you are for connection.
Enrollment open! Closes June 30th.
Early bird bonus until June 22st.
A 3 to 6 month long custom coaching program for individuals or couples who struggle to communicate their needs in a way that gets them seen, heard, and valued in relationship.
- You don’t feel fully expressed in relationship — you mask or embellish aspects of who you are to fit some “ideal” or keep the peace.
- You find it hard to balance authenticity and aliveness with connection. It seems that you have to trade one for the other.
- You’re tired of tolerating or settling for less than you desire in sex or love. You want to feel seen, heard, and valued. Your needs matter!
Spaces limited. Schedule a call to discuss the possibilities.
Are you unknowingly sabotaging your love life?
Get your free guide to more aliveness and connection...
The top 5 ways
you close your heart to love.